Bonding Together, Moving as a Family
Time to read: 2-3 mins
6 months into our son being born, I took a big step of taking 5 months off to become a stay at home Dad. Whilst I was excited and proud of myself for taking this step, reality hit hard! I had bonded with my son in a typical, ‘secondary’ parent type of way. I was present but my time was limited which meant when it came to alone periods with my son they never really totalled more than a couple of hours at a time. So week 1 of parental leave was frankly, horrible. Large sections defined by leaving coffee shops without drinking coffee as our son would cry as I would struggle to be comfortable soothing him. Nothing seemed to work and being one of the very few fathers around town I felt, maybe unfairly, every mother was judging me. So I needed a plan to fix it.
Enter running. My passion and impossible to do with a 6 month old without a buggy. I researched and bought a running buggy and went up to Richmond Park to give it a whirl. I immediately felt comfortable, as did our son. I did 20 mins, he slept through it, so the next visit we did 30mins. By 2 months I was running for 90 mins with him fast asleep. It felt amazing! It enabled us to bond in a natural way, that is where I the parent was comfortable and being myself versus where I was highly strung. My wife and I observed from a young age that our son’s mood was nearly always correlated to ours. With this in mind, everywhere I felt good, he would go along for the ride, rewarding me with sleep, or crying when I didn't (he was supportive like that, like an early warning sign to tell me how I felt before I could work it out myself!).
Over the 5 months, we ran 100 miles together. As he got older, both our experiences changed. His attention span wouldn't do 90mins, but he would have an absolute riot for 40 mins. As we entered year 2 he would excitably squeal as we went downhill fast, or saw a dog, or caught a glimpse of his mum running alongside us. We had extended this to a family activity and all loved it. It's something we never considered pre parenthood, the idea of bonding through movement. Each of us had a definitive view of the type of exercise we enjoyed versus how that changes when there are three of you and you get the mix of endorphins and being outside in nature.
This gave me a different perspective on other ways to bond and the value as our son got older, of just being outdoors together, regardless of activity. The perspective is the hardest element for me to accept. I had such a definitive view of what movement meant to me, the individual. When I placed it on my parent/partner identity it was different and embracing this created a whole new world of opportunities.
Zoe’s response
Reading this article makes my heart sing! What a glorious moment when Greg texted me a picture of his proud sweaty face and our baby post run.
I was thinking about other activities that parents could do to translate this feeling for any non-runners reading this. We now have a huge play mat in our front room so that River can play and tumble without getting hurt. Greg does 15 - 30 minute strength and mobility sessions on it (stretching) and I do short strength and yoga classes from time to time on it (again, mostly stretching). Our son now joins in, mimicking our movements and even if your child is younger I’m pretty sure they will enjoy you rolling about the floor with them.
Walks and hikes are another good way to enjoy movement out and about together and our friends recently got children bike seats so they can go for some nice bike rides as a family together.
However you chose to do it - Greg’s right. When you are exercising alongside your whole family it really is a whole other level of feel-good.
TAKEAWAYS:
Bonding with my son was easier in situations where I felt at ease. Movement with him unlocked a huge win.
Products are available and can enable this faster, running buggies aren't cheap, but I used it so often the cost per run was less than my weekly coffee bill.
Movement together + outside creates a multiplier effect on connection & growth with your family. If in doubt, get outside, together.
