Having Fun Together After Children
Time to read: 2-3 mins
Before we had our son, Greg and I had some real adventures. We met young but I have absolutely no regrets because we’ve travelled the world together and had so many fun experiences. In fact, we waited to have children after a decade of being together and that’s because we were having so much fun!
Greg’s a real social butterfly and I’ve never put up too much of a fight to go to a party, a lot of our weekends have been spent dancing, laughing and recovering the next day.
We had our son shortly after the pandemic which meant we really hadn’t done too much partying for almost 2 years and then of course a newborn comes along and you have A LOT of new responsibilities that aren’t really conducive to going out every weekend.
Greg went out here and there in the first few months of our son’s life, (now I know mostly to escape) but I couldn’t really do that with feeding and caring for our son. After a while, when my body felt a little more healed and his feeding and sleeping was in a good place I did venture out. Sure, I had a nice time, but it wasn’t everything I’d been hoping for and the hangover the next day with a baby and really just the inability to totally let loose had changed things. During that first year I felt quite frustrated about that but now I actually like my new cadence of going out now and again instead of every weekend and keeping things steady when I do go out.
When it comes to Greg and I having fun together things are still adapting too! We now have a date night at least once a month but it’s focused around good food and good conversation. I really love these dates but I also miss all day bar crawls around London or New York (where we used to live) or ending up dancing somewhere into the early hours.
We’ve been lucky enough to get away a few times while my mum looks after our child which you’d think would mean we’d go all out but even then I’ve held back slightly, petrified not to take advantage of a good night’s sleep and a lie in.
So is that it? Will we just never have fun together? Or has fun taken a slightly different form during these years? Is fun now hysterically laughing as we look at our son’s first passport photo (he really does look like a bao bun) or doing stupid dances around the kitchen because he and the other spouse love it so much?
Quality time together is a lot rarer nowadays and everyone’s idea of fun changes as we get older.
There seem to be some really good tools and content out there (some of which is hosted here on MoveThru) about reconnecting with your partner after children, improving communication and intimacy but sometimes you just want to feel light again and mess around like the good old days. At least, I do.
So here are some ways that I’ve found that keep the relationship feeling fun and remind you that those two people who goofed around before kids can be just as silly together now.
Firstly, just joking around together! Sure, we have a hundred things to think about nowadays but there is also humour in the everyday and need I remind you children can be pretty hilarious so if nothing else have a laugh at some of the outrageous demands they make now and again.
Secondly, don’t forget to celebrate things! So you’ve already had countless anniversaries or birthdays or valentine's days together, who cares? Any excuse to make things a little more special is a win in my eyes. And if you want to make something up to put a little zest into your week do it!
Surprises also make things feel fun and light again, it doesn’t have to be anything big – maybe a surprise chocolate bar from the shop, a bunch of flowers or even just a quick drink at the pub together if you can finish work early. Seemingly small things like this can make such a big difference overall.
Greg’s response
Our gorgeous bao bun still makes me laugh. Zoe is so much fun and we spent over a decade pissing about, most of that was me giving the energy to get the night going and then Zoe refusing to come home until every margarita and dance floor had been finished! Long boozy brunches turning into long lay ins after a busy week was our default way of connecting. So reconnecting started via communicating what we both wanted now.
Parenthood, COVID and for me ageing has changed a few things and we had to reframe how we create our fun. After all, the weekends are now predominantly childcare! But we have both made a real effort and I love what we are becoming, and it feels like somehow I am learning Zoe afresh all over again which is exhilarating. So communicate, connect and embrace is my advice also, however small the moment.
TAKEAWAYS:
How you have fun might change and that’s OK. The key is to laugh together so whatever way you can find to do that either with your child/children involved or not - do that!
Surprises and celebrations keep things fresh and also give you some nice experiences together outside the humdrum of everyday parent life.
If in doubt, have a laugh about some of the hilarious faces, tantrums, gabbling your child does. Children can be pretty funny!
