Making Time For Intimacy When You’re Tired And Busy
Time to read: 2 mins
By Guest Writer Catherine Topham Sly, Relationship Therapist and Coach
When life gets busy with family, work, and other responsibilities, maintaining intimacy with your partner can feel like a complex challenge. It’s no surprise that many couples feel less close and have less sex after having kids, given how tired and short on time we all are. But if intimacy is a priority for you, finding ways to overcome these challenges will be essential.
Making Time Amid The Exhaustion
Parents often find themselves too exhausted at the end of the day to think about sex, which is one of the main ways couples connect. So what can you do about it?
Prioritise Intimacy: Don't leave intimacy for the end of the day when you’re least likely to have the energy. Instead, maximise other opportunities, even if it's just a quick kiss or cuddle when the kids are asleep or otherwise occupied.
Act Despite Your Tiredness: When you recognise that you’re likely to be more tired than usual for a while, you have a choice about what to do next. The couples who stay connected are the ones who push through the tiredness at least some of the time, to avoid neglecting their connection.
Addressing Underlying Issues
The tiredness we experience in early parenthood is very real. And it can sometimes also become a way to mask other unaddressed emotions or issues, such as anxiety, resentment, or unmet needs. You likely won’t feel like getting intimate with your partner until you’ve reflected on and communicated these underlying feelings, so doing so could be crucial to rekindling your connection.
Scheduled vs. Spontaneous Intimacy
While some people find scheduling time for intimacy helpful, others worry it won’t be the same if it’s not spontaneous. Here’s a way you can reframe this: planning doesn’t make things less special, it demonstrates just how important they are to us. Enjoy the anticipation and let the sense of connection build as you plan your time together. Date nights, weekends away, or even just dedicated time together after the kids are in bed can all significantly improve the sense of closeness between you.
TAKEAWAYS
Prioritise and Act: Regardless of how tired or busy you may feel, making intimacy a priority by taking action is the best way to stay close.
Reflect and Communicate: Sometimes, tiredness can be a mask for other emotions; addressing these can pave the way for deeper connection.
Plan for Connection: Scheduling time together communicates the value you place on your relationship, helping to build anticipation and strengthen your bond.
