Re-evaluating what’s Important
Time to read: 5 mins
When it comes down to it, being a working parent forces you to re-evaluate what’s important. Deadlines or client feedback that once seemed so important are now thrown into a new light and I’ve found myself being able to look a colleague or client dead in the eye and now say ‘that’s an unreasonable request ‘ or ‘I think you need to spend more time clarifying next steps on this before we eat further into the project time’. Things I never would have dreamed to say before.
Before having a child I seriously thought about a day or night nanny (or both) to fill in all the parts of being a mum that I didn’t want to do and essentially allow myself to carry on working late, having mornings to myself, going out after work and the truth is, if I lived like that I probably could earn the money to afford it but - and this is a big but - an unexpected thing happened when I had my child and that was that I wanted to be around to get him up, put him to bed and yes even comfort him in the night. Maybe that’s obvious but I didn’t think I was particularly maternal before, so it was quite the (inconvenient) shock to me!
“As women, we buy into the myth that being ambitious for ourselves means being apart from our children. But the truth is, the longer we spend caring for them, the fuller and softer our own ambitions become”
It's an internal battle I think a lot of mums who read this might face and something I think we will continue to face for decades to come. Personally I’m constantly torn between the notion of Human beings are only happy when they are working towards their full potential – Phil Stutz and Barry Michels. And the idea that your ‘worth is not measured by your productivity’ because the truth is, although I’m always doing something I’m not always sure how much value it’s adding.
We’ve been blessed with some incredible working mothers through time (Marie Curie, Maya Angelou, and even more recently Michelle Obama) but as I’ve been learning about some of them I’ve been thinking more about the women who had the brains, the minds and the hearts to do something epic in this world but instead raised their children. Of course this is a great option too but I just wonder about what would be different if they were able to work instead or as well.
I’ve met so many intelligent and brilliant women through work and associates that confess to me all that actually want to do it be a mum. And that’s OK! I just wonder how different our world and lives would all be if they wanted or felt it was a viable option to do both…
I’ll close out with some of the ways that being a mum has made me better at work and better within myself.
Perspective: back at my corporate job I was constantly wiping away tears of younger female co-workers who are worried they’ve messed up, a client or their boss was cross with them or they’d missed a deadline. For context my corporate job was in media and advertising aka NOBODY DIES IF A CAMPAIGN MESSES UP. I try to encourage behaviour in co-workers that will make them better all round and see the wood through the trees. For example, will you really be productive if you haven’t left your desk for 9 hours or would a short walk and chat help you come back to your work with renewed energy?
Efficiency: employers all around the world know that the working mum is a next level of efficient you’ve never seen before! In Mary Portas’ book Work Like a Woman she describes being at ‘a working dinner with a man who’d had various chief-executive jobs during his career. As we discussed recruiting the best talent, he leaned over the table towards me. “I like employing mothers” he said, whispering conspiratorially, as if he was giving me the numbers for a winning lottery ticket. “You pay them for three days and they’re so conscientious, so worried about being accused of slacking, that they do five days’ work in that time.” I hate that our efficiency and dedication can be used to exploit us but it goes to show how much can be achieved once we simply don’t have the time for the niceties we once did.
And finally, as is our overall message with MoveThru; being a parent and figuring out the challenges of not only working but thriving at work has meant I’ve needed to find an inner strength. That I’ve had to be creative about my career path, the most valuable ways I can spend my time and what I really want to contribute to the world and to my child’s life. It takes a lot to figure out what’s right for you and not be constantly chugging along or unhappy that you aren’t getting enough time with your child or enough time at your work but I believe there is a way.
Greg’s response
I have tears dripping into my flat white reading this, largely the pride I feel with how Zoe approaches challenges; head on, honestly and with an action mindset. Deep down it hits hard: work plays too much of a lead in my life but I never allowed myself to accept it before I saw Zoe’s transformation. Money and work status is a drug, an effective one.
The difference I feel is the expectation and also physical sense of separation from our son being way less intense as the father. I miss him of course, but I can go on a work trip for a good 72 hours before I really start mentally suffering from being disconnected from him. For mums and other parents I know the intensity is far greater, and this constant guilt about putting the baby first over themselves is so evident. Many see it as having lost something, the greatest irony is you have actually gained something far greater, it's just working that out in your head and being able to communicate.
Find a way of communicating with yourself, your partner/close allies to work out how to approach it together. There is a better place and MoveThru will help you get there.
TAKEAWAYS:
Your ambitions might change after having a child, that’s OK. You haven’t lost it, it’s just morphing into something more rounded and fulfilling.
Being a parent, and especially a mum can make you better at work – more empathetic, more efficient, more patient, a better negotiator.
What would you personally find more impressive in someone – someone who has stayed in one department at one job their entire life or somebody who has had a multitude of life experiences, roles and an inner strength and who can get the job done? Because my friend, you’ve just joined the second group.
