Embracing Your Emotions
Time to read: 2-3 mins
I don’t think I’ve stopped crying since our son River was born. Jokes aside, in the first 2 years of being a father I have been in a constant state of emotion, triggered in a way I didn’t feel before. I sometimes wonder if it's my emotion’s way of playing catch up after 36 years of hiding how I felt, especially in public. There is something very mundane but also absolutely world changing in becoming a Dad, and often just reflecting on that is enough to get the tears ducts lubricated and ready to explode.
I see this in all my Dad friends too, an almost emotional reprieve where you can just react naturally to the smallest or biggest thing with real emotion, your excuse being the baby and what they have done to you. I’ve seen it in boardrooms, in playgrounds, in pubs, just a raw emotional release which is a super new feeling compared to the mums who can express it more openly.
At the core of MoveThru’s values is connection through authenticity and growth. Both centre on an honest approach that captures good and bad moments but also a critical dimension of your own identity shifting into a new, greater form of yourself. For Dads this is linked directly to our ability to embrace emotions.
Over time and many tears I started to use my phone notes to capture points where I felt emotions, good ones and bad ones to try and find patterns in how I felt. This may sound obvious but without capturing things in or close to the moment, they would often just dissipate away and re-emerge surprising me. I liked the control I felt through being able to explore these emotions by myself. At first waves of judgement would hit me, ‘why are you crying’, ‘why do you feel sad, stop it’ were frequent, but I learned to go easier on myself and just accept the moment and explore the what/where/when/how vs just the why. Soon this process opened me up to many side benefits as my emotions were of course interlinked with other areas of my life.
For instance, I found myself crying watching our son getting so excited about seeing a bird in a tree. This insignificant event, upon reflection, was linked to the amount of wonder I find in just discovering something new, especially in nature. I never had those moments of wonder anymore, I didn’t give myself space to just be in that mode. I took that moment and the next day went running without music in woodlands close by, on a totally different route and had a magical hour being around nature and was able to solve a couple of highly complex work problems in my mind whilst doing so. It felt like a huge win and taught me I could learn from my son, even at 18 months old, if I just accepted the emotions I felt.
So next time you ‘feel’, just stay in the moment and reflect in real time (whether that’s in your phone notes or with your partner), you will find so much value in connecting with yourself, to help you grow and in turn your family too.
Zoe’s response
A huge gift that our son has given us since being born is a deeper understanding of ourselves and each other. I think perhaps because of some of the situations and extreme highs and lows you face you really have to get a grip on your reactions and your emotions.
There is so much power in noticing how and why you behave in certain situations and then either embracing those emotions or learning to heal or adjust the behaviours that come from negative emotions.
I know there will be people out there who see this type of article as ‘snowflakey’ but to those readers, you are missing a major life hack by thinking in that way! Understanding and embracing your emotions is a huge life unlock, one that will improve your happiness, your family’s happiness and your overall performance. More to come on this subject!
TAKEAWAYS:
At the centre of growth & progress is a connection to your emotions. If you allow it you will grow and start to discover your new evolved identity as a parent.
No judgement, just acceptance. Don’t ask why, just explore the feeling in real time, it will lead you down paths you didn’t consider and connect to other parts of your life in ways you maybe didn’t realise.
You can learn from a toddler. Not just animal noises or names of dinosaurs, their pure reactions to life’s moments will trigger you sometimes. There are clues to your identity within this, embracing learning from the little ones, they don’t have your baggage or bias!
