The Empowered You: How To Live The Life You Want To Live
Time to read: 3 mins
By Guest Writer Kate Stirling, Confidence & Empowerment Coach
I don’t know about you but I found it stressful, overwhelming and confusing at times to feel so conflicted. On one hand you’ve got something, someone in front of you actually, that on paper you’ve always wanted, dreamt of, visualized perhaps, and on the other you feel entirely stuck, ungrateful, demotivated, lost and fearful your dream might not pan out how you envisioned it.
The gap between where you are right now and where you want to be is pretty massive and that can feel daunting. One of the first things you can do is cut yourself some slack, release the tension in your stomach, back and jaw and breathe a little deeper. Reducing stress helps to create space to think more clearly.
You know how lucky you are to have become a parent but as time goes on the discomfort in how you feel is getting too hard to ignore. I totally understand, the landscape of parenting changes every single day, there is so much to learn, to navigate, to adapt to. How are you meant to find time for YOU within that?!
Don’t worry, I’ve got you. One way to approach it is to see it as a new chapter, rather than trying to make your life the same as it was pre kid(s). Accept your life will possibly look different to those who parent around you - my life as a self employed coach is vastly different to my friends in full time jobs. Neither is right nor wrong, embrace the life you are living and draw inspiration from those around you, rather than comparing yourself to them.
I’m going to give you the tools to feel empowered to make choices that enable you to live a life you want to live where you can be YOU, an amazing parent and still have space for the personal and professional growth you crave.
The renowned coach Tony Robbins has a great quote:
“Change happens when the pain of staying the same outweighs the pain of change.”
We will keep going until actually we can’t handle it anymore. We can really push this to the edge because our child(ren) have become the focus until one day we wake up and we know enough is enough, possibly why you’re reading this.
The “it’ll be ok” and “I’ll sort it out tomorrow” plaster moments that hide the true reality of the situation, that stop us from taking action towards living a life we really want to live, to relish, to enjoy, to thrive in, can no longer keep things together.
Toxic positivity doesn’t help, kindly if you’re not ok, that is ok. In fact being honest about how you’re feeling is the first step and if you are really struggling please don’t feel as though you can’t ask for help, whether that’s from your GP, a therapist or a coach. There is no shame in finding things tricky.
By accepting how you feel right now you can release the tension and stress that has been building and that gives you the power back to take action towards how you do want to feel.
Actually, taking note of how you don’t want to feel is often the best way to gain clarity when you don’t know what you want or where to start.
You need to acknowledge how you’re feeling to be able to get clear on how you want to feel, what you do want your life to look, sound and feel like so you can take action towards that instead. The other thing to say is I need you to get comfortable with the discomfort of prioritizing yourself in your life. It’s the classic airplane mask analogy - you can’t help others without helping yourself first. You will be a better parent, partner, person because of it. Over time, like a muscle, it will become easier to make choices that prioritize your experiences in life without guilt and anxiety.
Grab a piece of paper and a pen or maybe jot down the answers in your phone note section on your next commute.
How do you feel right now? What do you need to say that you’re not currently saying? What do you need to accept that you’re currently fighting/struggling with?
Don’t hold back. If feeling angry and resentful towards your partner/work/friend/family member is in the mix here you’ve got to get it out of you or you’ll keep these feelings trapped inside and it’ll keep what you need to do hidden.
Get clear on your values and what you DO want to do with your time, especially as it’s more precious now.
You can do this by thinking about a time you felt your best, what were you doing, who were you with? Eg your mind takes you to doing a workout outside and you’re on your own listening to music. This would suggest health/exercise, being in nature, music/creativity perhaps and alone time are values.
Other fun ways to explore this:
What makes you tick, what do you love to do?
What gives you energy?
What drains you?
What made you feel alive pre baby? Where can you recreate this in the new landscape of your life?
What are you craving/missing that you’re not currently allowing yourself?
Where can you ask for help? (Some of the best money I have ever spent is getting investing in a therapist and a coach. You deserve the investment - if you are not in a position to afford it get your hands on as much free content as you can from podcasts/youtube/social media)
Re-frame time - it will open up the opportunity to embrace your NEW life as a parent rather than trying to make your life now match-up with your life pre-parenting whilst also honouring those actions that do help you feel and live your best life, personally and professionally. Where do you need to adapt your thinking about what is a ‘good day’ or effort. Eg if you were used to doing 5 x 60 minute workouts per week, is it that actually doing 3 x 30 minutes is more doable now and a massive win?
Where you can, find gratitude, consciousness and appreciation for the small things. What brings you joy and how can you factor this into your life playfully? Maybe it’s giving your partner a hug and telling them you’re grateful for them, maybe it’s giving yourself that hug to appreciate everything you’re doing, maybe it’s a mixture of both
Ultimately, this is an incredible time to build a whole new life, one that doesn’t need to look like anyone else's but that is written on your terms, without the ‘shoulds’ of people around you. Set yourself up for success by taking the time and space to consider how you want to live your life, you’ll be amazed by how quickly the changes happen!
