The Value of Time & Perspective
Time to read: 2 mins
Money. That was the value equation of my 20s and early 30s. Money couldn't buy happiness but it bought pleasure and mortgages for houses. Parenthood shifted the entire value equation to time. It became increasingly clear that despite becoming a parent at 36, and having all the monetary means and foundations required to host a family, money couldn't buy me anything more than the material basics. I was searching for my new identity, trying to bond with my son and critically asking myself new questions about my own life story. None of these required money and the shift to the value of time became clear.
What did time ‘buy’ me? It bought the space to play my different identities as parent/partner/friend/myself - the more I had, the more I could fulfil my different priorities and in some cases, duties. It also brought a sense of freedom, that with time I could do more. And lastly, it made me review my own life journey. As I write this, I'm technically 50% through my life (if I live to the average age of a British male). When my son hits 18, I will be in my mid fifties, what do I want by then? All of these questions were filled with curiosity, excitement and a little bit of anxiety. At the start of the journey you have enough time to do lots of things. Now as a parent half way through life, I felt time was a much more precious resource I needed to protect.
So time became key and I found some of these following concepts extremely helpful. The first was a foundational skill of managing and creating time. I was lucky to have a manager who shared this Ted Talk - How to Multiply Your Time, and the concept that you could create more time for yourself through eliminating and delegating tasks you simply don't want or aren't good at doing. Of all the thousands of inputs I have received for MoveThru, this ted talk is in the top 3. I could find a way to create MORE time.
Second, was building clear long term goals that mattered. I found this was an exercise I was asked to do in my corporate career alot and usually just made it, telling whoever asked me that I wanted to be a C-Suite executive regardless of how I felt. With time now precious I started to work backwards from future states that I knew mattered. For instance my son is 18 in 2039, I will be in my mid fifties. What do I want then? This connected and excited me. I know I wanted three things to be true. I wanted to be physically healthy enough that if my son wanted to run a marathon (my passion), I could run with him (including the sprint finish!). I also knew my time would be even scarcer so I needed financial independence/retirement. They say retirement is not leaving work, rather when you stop sacrificing today for tomorrow. I needed to be at that point. And lastly I needed to have sufficient time to travel the world with my wife Zoe. Either to help her deal with her baby boy leaving home (Zoe and I are both highly independent, travelled the world and lived abroad so we are assuming our son will follow suit!) or just for us to work intently on ourselves and each other.
This changed my entire perspective on what I needed from my work career, physical health and also my life in general. I felt a connection to a new purpose. As a parent of a 2 year old who has space to look up and observe, I now truly understand why parenthood changes so many of us. It's a rubik's cube of evolving perspective and values. It can be intimidating but really having a plan to reach 2039 is actually exhilarating and comforting as I have a direction I want to follow. I’m not sure how or what it will exactly look like, but in the centre of it is an acknowledgment that time gives me the ability to do this and should be protected and grown at all costs. That is a perspective I'm grateful for.
Zoe’s response
Having a child has held up a mirror to my own relationship with my parents. Now when I feel myself being less than patient with some of their ways I question when and in what ways River will start getting short with me, when I start losing touch with something that he feels is obvious.
I remember my own parents turning 40 and my grandparents turning 60 and thinking how far away it felt and now it doesn’t feel that far at all. Whilst it’s a little scary I firmly believe that the best is yet to come for Greg and I. I believe that when it comes to our fitness, to our careers and to our relationship with each other and with our boy. So bring it on I say.
TAKEAWAYS:
Parenthood in my late thirties switched my value equation from money to time.
Time is expandable, with the right frameworks and hard work you can generate more to get you further to what you want.
What you want is based on your evolving perspective, parenthood changed this hugely and gave me the ability to think way ahead clearly.
